This is probably your hardest journey in life, but if you understand the phases of grief, those may help you to get through those hard moments.
There’s something very hard about grief, and it’s even harder to talk about it when it’s someone else’s grief. You can say a lot of wrong things that can hurt those people who are grieving.
And by saying this, I am telling you that from my personal experience. On a long journey of grief, it was good for me to find out about the phases of sadness which will help you to get through the day (sometimes, that’s the only thing you need and can do).
1. Shock and disbelief. The first stage of every grieving process includes shock. That’s when you find out about the tragedy and the bad news. The first few months may even seem like a bad dream – your brain is protecting you from hearing about the tragedy and accepting the reality. In this stage, all I can tell you is to be gentle with yourself. Try to create a daily plan filled with basic activities you must follow. I know it may be even hard to shower or eat in this phase, but a plan may help you to get through the day.
2. Anger and fury. After you’ve realized that the tragedy that happened is real and that your loved one is not coming back, you’ll feel a lot of rage inside yourself. You’ll start to blame everyone and everything for their death. It’s highly recommended to transfer your rage into something useful, like the art of sports. Art is amazing and grieving people often express their emotions through writing, drawing, creating a song, or anything that you like.
3. Shame and self-blame. Once the fury phase is done, you’ll start thinking that you may be guilty of the loss. Self-blame and shame often come in the same package. If you feel that you are very lost since the beginning of the loss of your loved one, this is the moment when it may be good to seek professional help. Go to therapy, talk to a friend – but share your feelings with someone.
4. Depression. Probably the longest phase in the grieving process, depression usually comes after six months of losing a loved one. If depression is “only” the result of your loss, know that it will pass. Remind yourself about the advice we already provided in the first fact of this article. Seeking support is also very important.
5. Acceptance & implementation in daily life. This is the last stage where you’ll realize how life goes on and that you must find a way to continue living without your loved person. Important dates in life can help you keep the memory of them and feel like you’ve implemented that person in your life. You can create a memory album, celebrate their birthday with their favorite songs or eat their favorite cake, write a song about them from time to time, go to the graveyard and talk to them, and so on.
Hope this advice was helpful to you to understand the process you’re in.
Wish you all the best.
Have you heard of the grieving stages before?
If you’ve been into such a tragedy, would you like to share some other advice?