If you find that you’re in an unhappy marriage, you may wonder if it’s better to stay together for the sake of your children or to part ways and set positive role models for them.
We’ve often heard people in conflicted and unhappy marriages claim that they are staying together for the sake of the children. Their implied will be better off being raised in an intact family, spared from the negative effect of divorce. This position requires more in-depth consideration because when couples argue in front of their children, there are some messages the children take away. First, they see that their parents are either not well able to control their emotions, or they don’t care about the negativity they’re spreading.
There are many reasons to reluctant to divorce, should your children be one of them? What do they learn from parents who sacrifice their happiness for their children?
Here are 7 reasons why “staying together for the child” is possibly the worst idea:
Your kids won’t learn about healthy relationships: The first romantic relationship a kid witness is the relationship between their parents. How parents talk and manage their relationship with each other will be the foundation of a child’s future relationships. Kids mimic the relationship they see. No relationship is as visible to a child as the relationship between his or her parents. If that relationship is dying each day slowly, the kid will start to believe that unhealthy relationships are normal.
It’s impossible to completely hide the fighting: No matter how hard you try, it’s impossible to protect all of the fights. And if we talk about the point ‘fighting in front of children is healthy’, it’s only healthy when that fighting is fair, and kids can benefit from witnessing honest disagreements. Destructive conflicts are still detrimental to your children.
Kids understand what is happening anyway: SO, while many unhappy parents are quick to say, “the kids are too young to understand.” Knock, knock, and they’re not. They’re still witnessing unhealthy behaviour. They may not be able to understand every fact of a complicated relationship, but they do understand that their parents aren’t happy together.
You kids will learn not to prioritize personal happiness: When you stay in an unhappy relationship, even for the sake of your child, you’re showing them that your happiness and your self-worth are not important.
Your child will feel responsible: If you stay together for the kids, and you’re miserable, your kids will start to blame themselves. Just like you want your holder to be happy, your child wants the same for you. Informing your children that they’re the reason you’re staying In an unhappy relationship, will only lead them to believe that there the responsible for all this.
Separation or divorce isn’t a failure, living in unhappiness is a failure
No, that doesn’t mean to take divorce lightly. Divorce is indeed a significant life transition and in some cases traumatic. But if you’ve made every effort to grow as a couple and nevertheless don’t succeed, staying married might, in fact, look like a failure. Divorce isn’t a failure, but living in unhappiness is. Having the courage to live our lives for the sake of our children truly should be our ethic. But it needs to be more than lip service. For kids, you need to make your marriage the priority in your lives. TO be the best parents we can be, we must be the best people we can be.
There are a lot of reasons to be reluctant to divorce. It’s very likely to be one of the most emotionally painful things you ever go through. You will put your children through what will probably be the most emotionally challenging experience they have ever been through. Worst of all, what if you are making a horrible mistake? If you think you made a mistake in marrying your spouse, then how can you trust your judgment about ending the marriage?
Remember, two happy separated parents are better than two miserable together parents.
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