Relationships have unwritten rules. Technically, all of the rules in dating are unwritten, but there are certain rules in relationships that are so obvious they really shouldn’t have to be explained. Sadly, we’re going to have to explain them, because some guys are just plain clueless. There are certain questions, phrases, and demands you should never utter to a woman whether it’s how many men they’ve been dated, or anything about their weight. While there is a big list of this, we’re going to discuss the 10 biggest gaffes men say to the opposite sex on the first date.
You may think you’re being open, insightful, witty, or profound, but you’re really ruining your chances for a second date
“How many men have you been with?” – Just as she should never ask how many women you’ve been with, you should never ask how many men she’s slept with. The reason you should never ask this question is that you don’t want to know. It doesn’t matter if the number is high, or low. There is nothing to be gained from the knowledge of how many men she’s been with sexually. The only thing it will do is change the way you feel about her. Instead of asking this way, you can ask “How many long-term relationships have been in?” If you have to ask, stay away from the word sex, and focus on dating history.
“Oh, I’ve closed down this bar lots of times” – Do you think this sounds like fun? No, you sound like you drink too much, stay out too late, and pick up the dregs. Sure, taking her to your favourite spots shows that she matters to you. Just spare her the sad, sloppy details.
“Do you want to come back to my place?” – The night is wrapping up and the date is going incredibly well. You don’t want to make assumptions, so you drop the question, offering to move the night back to your place. Of course, you want her to go back to your place after a date (she made up her mind about it either way during appetizers), but phrasing the question in this manner makes it feel like sex is expected. There are ways to get her back to your place without being so blunt, and frankly, putting her on the spot. You can, “I just don’t feel like the night should end here.”
“You’re still hungry?” – You know what? Yes, she might be. And she might be going to inhale that entire Footlong and not feel bad about it. Honestly, never ever ask this question especially when you’re expecting to visit again.
“You should meet my family” – Meeting the family is a huge deal for women. It can often make or break a relationship depending on how damaged your family is and women view the moment as the next huge step in a relationship. She should meet your family. She should meet your family when you’re ready. She should meet your family when she’s ready. Just because you’re ready doesn’t mean she’s ready. Proposing it as a question means you’re ready for her to meet your family, but she has the option of saying yes or no based on her own feelings.
“According to Facebook, you had some fun last month” – Share nothing about your online discoveries until she shares. Then it’s okay: “I saw your work. Nice about the Nobel.” She’ll feel that she was worth being checked out by a guy who doesn’t prejudge.
“What do you call three ducks at a bar?” – Jokes are panic moves when the conversation lags. You want easy patter, not punch lines. So keep it simple: “I’d love to know more. Tell me about it.”
“You have a really pretty face” – Of course, you are parsing her. But, just her face? What, you made it past her neck and decided that the rest of her was hideous?
“It’s been 30 minutes and I still can’t figure out why you’re single!” – Everyone, including you, has a reason for being single, and those reasons can run the gamut from messy to innocuous. If she’s dealing with them well, that’s an encouraging sign.
“My female friends are always trying to hook up with me” – Seriously, mister! She doesn’t want to hear about your harem. Say “I’m lucky to have some strong, savvy women friends.” With one statement, you erase competition worries and compliment an entire gender.
A few other things you should never ever say on a first date…
“You cleaned your plate. I’m impressed.”
“Go ahead—guess how much money I make.”
“Are you drinking enough water? It’s great for your skin.”
“It’s super-easy for me to lose weight. I have a great metabolism.”
“I think it’s really cool that you’re so relaxed about your looks.”
And the list is long….but make sure to not mention these things on your first date.
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