It’s the ultimate question everyone asks themselves after a breakup: can I stay friends with my ex?
Some may argue that it’s not only possible to stay friends with your ex. According to a recent study, if you remain friends with your ex, you might just be a psychopath or narcissist. Remember, your ex is your ex for a reason. You ended your relationship for a reason.
Remaining friends with your exes not only causes friction with new relationships but also prevents you from fully realizing your relationship mistakes. Don’t believe us? Here are more reasons why you can’t be friends with your ex.
Because you need time to grieve the breakup: After a breakup, you need time to heal from the relationship. The only way to do that is to distance yourself from your ex.
Because chances are, one of you still have the feelings: Rare breakups are mutual. It’s always an emotional decision that leaves someone hurt. And if you stay friends, that love you once shared doesn’t just go away. One goes you may be holding out hope that if you remain friends, the possibility of dating again will be stronger while the other person may not feel that way at all.
Because chances are you might fall back into the same patterns: It can be toxic. Sure, you can talk about your families or your favorite Coffee shop down the street, but that might feel weird or awkward after a while. You can pretend that things are causal between you guys, but you reach a certain “breaking” point where things almost have to get real because you can’t talk about surface-level things forever. And that’s where these patterns start. You begin picking at each other again, disagreeing about the same things a criticizing each other. It feels all too familiar. It is called a “toxic relationship,” and it’s best just to break the cycle and get out before it destroys you.
Because It will be much harder for both of you to move on: How can you expect to entirely move on if you’re still telling your ex all the little details about your life? How can you go on a date and not feel guilty? While you can cry to be friends for a little while post-breakup, there comes the point where you’re both just hindering the other person from meeting someone else.
Because you’ll never be real friends with an ex: Breaking up is hard, no matter who ended the relationship. So, it’s natural that you might want to keep your ex in your friendship corner, especially after spending so much time with them. But for most people, remaining friends with an ex is just a way to keep him or her in your life a little longer. And while that may sound like a good idea at first, do you think you can be friends in the long run? Probably not!
Because you’ve been intimate: Once you’ve been intimate with someone, it’s almost impossible to place them in the friendship category. The two of you formed a bond. So now every time you are together, subconsciously that bond will always be there. More than likely, you’ll always think of your ex as your ex rather than new-found friends. It’s pretty hard to transition from being lovers to just friends overnight – unless, of course, you’re into the whole “friends with benefits” thing. But that’s a whole other subject.
Because it will cause friction in your new relationship: Staying friends with an ex may not be uncommon, but neither is the friction it can create in your new relationship. Even if your friendship with your ex is on the up and up, your new man or woman may silently feel threatened. And that could place a considerable wedge in your new relationship right out of the gate.
Because it can be a painful experience: The truth is, if you’re still clinging to the idea of remaining friends with your ex, the reason may be that you’re secretly hoping you’ll get back together again. The problem with that its, your ex may move on faster than you expected. So, each time you see his or her smiling face pressed against someone else’s on social media, you’ll be hurt – over, and over again.