Your ex is your ex for a reason. No doubt that your ex was an essential part of your life for a specified period, but that period is over now. It is under stable to want to hold onto that relationship in some capacity. Many couples, whether dating partner or spouses, try to remain friends after a break-up, and some of them can manage this successfully.
According to research, on average exes tend to have lower-quality friendship than opposite gender friends who’re never romantically involved. They are less emotionally supportive, less helpful, less trusting, and less concerned about the other person’s happiness. The probability of a friendship with an ex will be a positive rather than painful depends on your motives, including those you’d instead not openly acknowledge.
Here are ten reasons that can get you into trouble:
You still love them: Being in love with your ex, and secretly hoping to win them back, can be a dangerous and robust reason for staying friends with them. If your ex-has already changed mind and doesn’t want to be with you, there is probably little you can do to change their mind. In that case, trying will only lead to repeated heartbreak and make you feel bad about yourself. It would be better to spend time with friends who make you feel loved and appreciated. Remember, your ex is not one of them.
They still love you: If your ex is still in love with you and you don’t feel the same way, the best thing you can do for them is to let them go. You might enjoy spending time with them, but it could be confusing and painful for them, especially if it gives them false hope. Even if you make it clear that you want to be friends, it may not be clear enough to your ex because people see what they want to see.
They won’t take no for an answer: You might not want to stay friends, but what if an ex does, and won’t leave you alone? Remember, you have every right to say no to friendship. Make sure to be transparent with your ex about your feelings. A little social media stalking is harmless, but real stalking is scary and unacceptable. Surprisingly, it’s universal.
You want to keep them in back burner: Many times, people desire to keep their ex around just in case they can’t find someone better. Of course, this approach is unfair to your ex. Sometimes you have to close one door and close it thoroughly if you want another door to open.
You hope that maybe someday they will change: Maybe you broke up because your ex was unfaithful, but you’re holding out hope that they will learn from their mistakes and eventually turn into the person you want. By keeping the bond of friendship, you’re able to have them in your life and maybe help them to change. However, if your ex senses that it won’t be so hard to win you back, they may be more focused on trying to prove that they have changed than making real change. This might lead you towards disappointment.
Dissatisfaction with the current relationship: If you’re not satisfied with a new relationship, research suggests you may feel more interested in keeping up contacts with your ex. It’s easy to romanticize the person you’re not with since you’re no longer regularly exposed to their irritating habits. However, this way of thinking is a trap, and you’ll never be satisfied wherever you are. If you’re unhappy in your current relationship, discuss your feelings with your current partner than turning to an ex for support.
To escape from loneliness: When you go through a break-up, it feels like a void in life for a specific time. If you’re feeling alone on weekends, then go out and meet new people rather than having your ex around. You can also explore the dating world by registering yourself in the dating platform like http://beautifulpeopledate.com to meet new people around the world. It’s understandable to miss the intimacy of the romantic relationship but putting yourself in the danger zone of hooking up with an ex may not be worth the short -term comfort. It’s better to surround yourself with friends or family when you feel lonely.
You want to keep tabs on them: Even if you know that a relationship wasn’t meant to be, it can still be painful to think of your ex finding happiness with someone else. Keeping friendship alive may allow you to stay in the loop about their dating life and even give you some influence over it. However, becoming your ex’s confident may not benefit either of you in the long run, especially if you have mixed feelings about their efforts on love.
You feel bad for them: If you initiated the break-up and your ex is not taking it well, the last thing you probably want to do is hurt them more by rejecting their friendship. However, it’s not your responsibility to handle them through heartache, and your support may make them feel worse. It would be better if they get support from other rather than you. If you own them an apology, give them a genuine one, but don’t drag it out.
You have a mutual friend: According to research, if your friends and family want you to stay friends with an ex, you are more likely to do so. Keeping friendship with your ex for the sake of social harmony is a noble goal, but if it’s your only reason for maintaining the bond, it can be problematic.
Why stays friends?
Are there any good reasons to stay friends with your ex?
If neither of you has specific motives like the ones listed above, and if your friendship doesn’t interfere with your current relationship, it could work very well.
Make sure, to be honest with yourself about your true intentions.
What do you say?