Is love never enough to sustain a happy, healthy, and long-term relationship?
The reality is, you can love someone so much, but if your partner does not make an effort, they may not be enough for you.
You are everything to them: Being someone’s “everything” may seem romantic. But if your partner came into the relationship with a few friends and hobbies, and have integrated themselves into your life entirely, that’s a pretty telling sign they might not be enough. They don’t have their own life. They have adopted your friends, your interests and you seem to be the planner and initiator in the relationship. You feel as if they don’t bring a lot to the table. As a result, you may feel frustrated. If you think your partner needs interests outside of your relationship, it’s worth it to have a talk with them. Spending time apart is healthy for couples, and could help your partner with bringing more into the relationship than they had previously.
They refuse to mature: While being the picture of the perfect adult is hard for anyone, take note if your partner resists acting maturely. It’s a red flag if they refuse to grow up and accept that they are adults with bills to pay, dinner to cook, clothes to get washed and cleaning to be done. If you find yourself having to remind your partner do necessary things, they might not be meeting your needs. If you live together, having an argument every day about getting help trying to run the house is going to wear you into the ground. And if they aren’t willing to come to a compromise in this respect, they may be unwilling to compromise in other areas as well. Discuss what your needs are in the relationship, and try to find a middle ground. If your partner is willing to take away some of the “adulting” burdens off of you, there may be hope.
You’re the only one putting in any effort: We all know, relationships are hard. If you are the only one doing the heavy lifting, then it might be time to consider seeking out a partner who is willing to show up for figuring out the hard stuff as a team. After all, relationships are all about caring for you, your partner, and the relationship itself. Talk with your partner if you feel like your relationship is imbalanced, they might not even realize they haven’t been pulling their weight and may be open to doing more.
You have different major life goals: If you want to live in different places, have different goals financially, disagree on whether to get married or have kids, these are pretty good signs that your relationship may not be fulfilling for you. You like the city. They like the country. If kids are something that one party wants and the other doesn’t, this is a huge red flag. You have to be realistic that people tell you things to give you information, not to have their minds changed down the line. If your partner is open to discussing and compromising on some of these major decisions, then there is still potential for things to work out. But if you can’t find a solution that works for the both of you, this may be a deal breaker.
What should you do if you realize that your partner might not be enough for you? It’s important to take a step back and really think about whether or not you can live with whatever you feel is “missing” with your partner. You can even try communicating your needs to see if things can change.
There are so many people out there, you’ll be sure to find a better match. Don’t stay in a relationship just because you’re comfortable. If you can work out your issues, then great. If not, it’s really up to you to decide whether or not the relationship is worth being in. At the end of the day, you deserve to be in a relationship that makes you feel fulfilled and happy. Your partner deserves the same.
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