Why would you even want to be friends with those people?
Letting go is never easy. No matter if you’re the dumper or the dumpee, breaking up is hard, and moving on is even harder. So, to help ease the pain we consider being friends with an ex. Sure, it might sound like a good idea at the time – you don’t have to truly say “goodbye” to your old friend and flame – but is it really?
Love is the reason we try so desperately to remain in their lives, yet, it is exactly the same reason we should not. According to studies, 71% of people from the survey admitted that they thought about their ex “too much” and more than 57% of singles sad that “thinking about their ex prevents them from finding new love.”
Obviously, right? If you’re still hung up on your past, it’s going to be difficult to move on to your future, especially when the person you’re hung up on is still a regular fixture in your life.
After every breakup, it’s essential to give yourself space for the other person. You need time to heal and the only way to do that is by distancing yourself from the other person. When you break up and then right away decide to be friends, you don’t give yourself time to breathe – and you don’t give the other person that time either. Calling and texting each other right after you break up isn’t what the two of you need, and hanging out with one another won’t provide you with the growth that’s necessary either.
What about your new relationship? How would you feel if your new dude was buddy-buddy with his ex? Seriously, there’s no way you’d think that’s cool, and your new guy won’t think it’s cool if you do it either. Staying friends with your ex won’t allow you to enjoy the time you are spending with someone new. You’ll constantly be comparing and going back to the old flame after you’ve seen the new one. Eh, so not healthy.
Moreover, do you really want to hear about the new girl your ex is seeing? Probably not. And guess what? He/she most likely doesn’t want to hear about the new guy you’ve been dating. Someone is bound to get jealous. And that’s totally normal. The two of you have been together for a while and it makes sense why you wouldn’t necessarily want to think about or see the other with a new person. So why do that to yourself?
How would you feel when you tell your ex that you’re down to be his/her friend but in the back of your mind you have a hidden agenda: to win him/her back? Since he/she has kept you as a friend, you think there’s still a chance for something more. However, his/her’s only being “nice” by saying he/she wants to be friends and in reality really wants is to find someone new that isn’t, well, you.
Normally you can talk to friends about anything – especially your personal like. However, with an ex, you need to play it safe. You can’t start talking about this guy you went on a date with and that you totally like. That’s just weird. And the same goes for your ex. You don’t want to hear about what he’s been up to in the bedroom. So instead, the two of you end up making small talk and not even acting like real friends at all.
What about your mutual friends? You tell your mutual friends that the two of you are still going to be buddies and they end up looking at you like you have two heads. Well, this is for good reason. How are they supposed to act when all of you hang out? They know they can’t possibly talk about the new guy they want to set you up with or the girl your ex went on a date with last night. It’s just plain awkward and uncomfortable for the people around you.
Seriously, you will not be able to get over that mixed feelings. You know you broke up with your ex for a reason, but now that you are hanging out with him as friends you see all the good things you didn’t see before. He looks at you the right way and makes you feel special, or he talks to you about car stuff reminding you how handy he used to be. Now your feelings for him are all mixed up. Do you want to be with him again or are you just lonely? Clearly, you don’t know now.
Remember, no matter how much you try, you can’t fix a broken mirror!
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