Every soon to be married couples are likely to face unpredictable and challenging situations as they spend more time together.
There are a few simple do’s and don’ts that soon to be married couples need to understand. We’ll start with the do’s and end with don’ts.
The Do’s
Get rid of the “if” factor: Soon to be married couples need to dismiss any thought of wondering if their marriage will work. Instead, they need to start thinking that it will and focus into ‘how can we make our marriage last.’ Being committed to that goal is the first do’s for soon to be married couples.
Keep the Transparency: Soon to be married couples share their experiences with each other because they feel it’s safe to share them. Happy couples do not hold back thoughts, feelings, or intended behaviors that might at some time affect the other partner or the relationship. Both partners agree that they would rather know the truth, no matter the outcome.
Communication: There are mainly two ways to communicate. The first one is the verbal content of what partners are sharing. The second is the nonverbal way they present themselves, and how those behaviors affect each of them at the moment. Partners who communicate effectively never forget that what they are saying is affected by how they say it. The medium is always the more powerful message.
Faith in each other: Happy couple believes that they are blessed to have each other and that their relationship is extraordinary and unique. They know that this faith is based on a continued commitment to do whatever is necessary to keep it that way.
The gift of sanity: Whenever one partner speaks his or her truth, the other validates and supports that point of view before offering one that might be different. Successful partners want to know what each other is thinking and feeling.
The don’ts
Breaking confidentiality: As the soon to be married spends more time together, they often begin to share vulnerable and sacred thoughts, feeling, and memories with each other. As they reveal these often fragile and sensitive experiences, they know that they will be sacredly held and will not share without the other partner’s permission.
Don’t mention your spouse’s fault to others: Talking negatively about your spouse to friends or family is a betrayal. If something’s bothering you, talk to your partner about it. Any kind of gossip is hurtful, but when it’s about your mate, it’s like throwing a hand grenade into your relationship. Don’t do it.
Hitting below the belt: If the couple has decided to get married, they must have spent enough time. The most couple knows enough about each other to understand and acknowledge which behaviors they could say or do that could be crucially hurtful to the other. Expressing any of those, especially during an argument, can leave deeps scars and erode trust. Successful partners always keep in mind exactly what they must never bring up, especially during times of stress.
Loading the emotional bases: Every couple faces conflicts at the particular time. When either partner feels powerless during a battle, he or she may try to strengthen their side by citing other sources like “Everyone agrees with me that….,” “My whole family knows that you…..” etc. Successful partners make it a point to tell each other when they feel concerned or powerless during an argument. They count on the other to listen and respond supportively. Very rarely is winning an argument by padding the opposition worth the loss of intimacy when that strategy is employed.
Blame: So much have been written about how damaging the effects of blaming are on soon to be a married couple. One of the most confusing and destructive varieties of blame is when one partner attacks the other for something that he or she is also guilty of doing. Whether conscious or unconscious, projecting one’s fault onto another is especially destructive.
Partners who value and respect each other willingly and continuously embrace these “do’s” and avoid these “Don’ts.” They know that they cannot achieve perfection in following them, nor do they expect to, but they realize how important it is to apply these behaviors as part of the commitment they have made to each other.
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