Many people think that raising a son is difficult especially if you are a single mother. A child needs to see a father image and as a mother, you obviously will not fit in the picture. Just the thought of it can be paralyzing.
However, the perception of it being difficult might be just a myth. True that in a sense, it is somehow difficult because of the fact that mothers are not fathers, but there things that mothers need to know in order to facilitate good rearing of the child. Here is a list of some things that single mothers need to know about raising boys.
Tell Him About His Father
Yes, it is important that your son begins to learn bits and pieces about his father. Some mothers though, dread about the thought doing this especially if they have had some terrible experience with the father. They do not want their child to know about the father because they fear that it might have a negative effect on the child by causing the boy to feel rejection, bitterness or hate.
In contrast to our common notion about the idea, it actually helps the boy understand himself better. As your boy grows, he will definitely ask about his father especially if he starts to compare himself with his peers that have a complete set of parents. If your answer is vague, it will stir up confusion in him and will cause him to doubt his identity.
You may be reluctant about it for some reasons but you can start by sharing some general information about the child’s father like where he lives, how old he is or what is his work. Then as time goes by and as the child matures, you can introduce his positive traits. Eventually, the child will learn on his own.
Because your son does not see you pee like a man, he will not pee as a man does. He will sit down and pee. But this does not mean that you can just allow it and avoid the responsibility of teaching him the right way to pee.
You have to teach your son to pee the way men do, standing up. He should know how to unzip his fly as well. You can do so by teaching him yourself or allowing his grandpa or uncle to guide him through the process.
He may be a guy, but he’s not yet a man
Mothers often commit a mistake by calling their sons “man of the house”. He is not. You cannot speed up his growth by doing so.
Some single mothers give their sons such title and expect them right away to do household chores with them or compel the sons to be their companion in life. But in this setup, you are depriving your child of his childhood. He has to be able to experience more about what is play and what is a toy rather than what is work and what are his responsibilities because as a child, he does not have one yet.
Provide Good Male Role Models
As a single mother, your experience with the father of your son might not be that sugar and spice and everything nice, but you cannot generalize the idea about men. There are still some few good men even in your own circle. Allow those good men in your son’s life as well.
A sporting event might be a good avenue to do so. You can invite family members like your dad (his grandfather), his uncles, or teacher in school. Make sure that they are good influences for your son.
Portray a Strong Woman Image
You wouldn’t want your son to hear you grumble about a father or man that has not been around. It does not mean that you have to pretend to be okay. It’s okay to be not okay just do not show it to your son.
He needs to see that you can still do a lot of things even without a male counterpart. You should be able to continue doing the things that you ought to do and show him that you are okay like nothing happened. Through that, your son can develop a deep sense of respect not only towards you but also towards all women that he gets acquainted with.
So you see, being a single mom and raising a son is not so bad after all. Simply put yourself in your son’s shoes and think what could possibly be beneficial to him.
If you evaluate yourself, which among these things do you already do?
And which among them are you still struggling with?